Coming into ENC2135, I expected it to be like any other English class I've taken. Before this class, English was always easy for me, not because I'm good at research or reading assigned chapters, but because writing was and is how I express myself the best. Creative writing is what I'm really good at. However, ENC2135 is not at all a creative writing class, and truth be told there was little room for creativity for me in all the assignments I had to do. Or so I thought.

          The first project confused me. I felt like the research proposal was pretty last minute, and although it was easy because it was just answering some deep questions, it really didn't help me understand what the first project asked of me. During one of our class periods, we had to share what our topic was and the text that was to be included within our essay, and every time someone had something similar to what I was thinking, their idea was wrong because it was too broad of a text. I felt defeated. I've never done anything like this before. I basically wrote a shitty first draft, and to this day I consider it a shitty paper in general. During the conference, I was told to talk about the lyrics of the song (the text I used for the project) and the music video along with it a little more. That's what I did, and that's why I think I received a decent score on it, because I did what I was told to. But I thought it was really silly to explain the reason why the lyrics and the music video made sense together. Any person who listened to that song while watching the music video could easily tell you what it's about. But the funny thing is, when I broke it down to every line of the lyrics, I understood it more myself (and I thought I understood it enough). It made me realize why the song was important to me and how I see myself in this singer-songwriter. Although I didn't enjoy writing this particular paper, I really liked what I got personally out of it - inspiration to continue writing songs that mean something, songs that take you back to a particular time and place.

          I knew coming into ENC2135 that there would be a research-based paper, which is the kind of paper I despise the most. That's what project two is to me. I was so used to the research and the citations and the facts that when the goal of the paper was to analyze it and make it your own, it was extremely hard for me. I started out not understanding the prompt and break down of it at all, leading me to continuously send in wrong drafts and redoing everything. I didn't get the whole community and genre and text ordeal so it was frustrating, but I had to start somewhere, and after figuring out all the things I wasn't supposed to do, I got it right. Going to the conference helped a lot; honestly my second draft was just an extension of my first draft - word vomit. However it was word vomit with research and a little structure, and to my surprise I was told at my conference that my paper was going really well. There was one thing I had to do a little better, which was putting in my personal opinion. Except my personal opinion is like that of the scholarly people who wrote the articles that I cited from. Clearly that's a problem because then my "personal opinion" is basically stating the research in my own words. I hated this project because I could see my grades going into the dirt while I wrote my 3000 word essay. I got nothing out of it because being a CRNA is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I know it like my own name. I've done this research at my own leisure countless times and to write it out again and source it was tedious. The only thing I liked about the project was the moment I submitted it, knowing that this will be the last research-based paper I'll ever have to write in my life.

          I'm going to end this reflection on a good note. Project 3 was my favorite. I knew it was going to be my favorite before when I read about it on the syllabus before project 1. It allowed so much creativity I almost forgot I was in ENC2135. It was the quickest for me to do and it involved a lot of things I enjoyed. The only thing that really bothered me was that I had to put it out there, I mean on a real note no one is going to look at the genres I did except my classmates and my teacher. But since I'm a millennial, technology made life easier for me. I drew funny cartoons and put it on a website, I drew some more for my logo which I made an Instagram account for, and I wrote a song using Adele's tune of "Make You Feel My Love." I didn't really get anything out of this project either, at least not knowledge wise. I had fun doing it and I thought it was a great way to end the semester.

          Honestly, although this class didn't come to me as easily as all my previous English classes did, it kind of pains me to see it end. This will be my last English class for the rest of my life and it's pretty sad to say that I've hit a milestone for myself. My heart still drops a little just thinking about it. I'm still pretty bummed we didn't have a creative writing assignment in this course, which sucks because I feel like every English class should have a creative writing assignment if all English classes are going to have a research paper. I will miss English a lot. Although I'll still be writing in my own time, it's not really the same. Having a teacher who reads my work and gives me free feedback is what helps me grow as a writer. I guess nurses don't really need to be a writer. Maybe I'll do that thing where I realize all this science isn't for me and that writing is my passion and I should pursue it as a career, that way I can write a cliche autobiography that ends up in an English textbook to convince other students to do the same. Or maybe I won't.

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